Sick of it all

I was actually going to post this sooner but I was too freakin' tired. Why do I hate everyone? Why did I write that to end my last post?

On Monday night Phuong called me to ask me if I wanted to have a meal at the steakhouse. I drove to Phuong's and the three (Phuong, Mai, and I) of us went to the restaurant for our free meal. Lisa who had a night class that ended at 8:45pm was going to meet us there. Hwa (Phuong's middle sister) works there and arranges these free meals. Hwa's new boyfriend also works there so we got to meet (re: tease) him. He seems pretty sweet. And funnY!!!!

We got seated and were instructed by Hwa to order whatever we wanted because, this time, she didn't even want us to tip. (!!!) Steven (Hwa's bf) got off of work early and so joined us. We ordered three appetizers because there would eventually be six of us having dinner. We ordered for Lisa before she got there. (She instructed Phuong via cell phone as to her meal.) Lisa, although very sweet, has to be the pickiest eater known to man. All I've ever, EVER, seen her eat are tuna salad sandwiches, plain rice,mashed potatoes, and steamed brocoli.

Anway, Lisa was a bit late because there had been crazy traffic due to two closed lanes on 880. When she got to the restaurant she looked like she was going to kill someone. The first words out of her mouth were "I need a beer! The traffic is fuckin' crazy out there!"

Our food had come and we started to feast. Lisa had a few bites of her mashed potatoes when she looke right at me and says, "So, I heard you were giving Lara all kinds of dirty looks at the ball game!!"

What? "What? Says who?" I asked. I didn't even have time to talk to the girl.

While we had been waiting to be seated, Phuong and I got on the subject of Lara. Phuong expressed that "I don't like that Lara girl. I just don't." So, even though this Lara chick is dating my crush, I defended her. I was trying to point out that maybe she felt intimidated being with such a big group of strangers, or maybe she was too shy to talk to us because she has a very heavy accent. Phuong just looked at me and nodded 'no', "No, that girl, man, she's just such a bitch."

Phuong interjected "Yeah, that's why I don't fuckin' like her. I was talking to Tony yesterday (Sunday) and he told me that Lara told him you were giving her nasty looks and being a bitch!" "But when, when was I being a bitch? There were two people between her and I!" Lisa took a bite of french bread and explained "Well! It was when Tony and his friend went to get hot dogs and soda!! Don't you remember?" and she started to laugh.

"Don't worry, I put him straight!" Phuong said. "I told him I hang out with you all the time and you've never been anything but sweet-- you don't have a malevolent bone in your body. He finally agreed with me" this was said much more forcefully.

What the hell!

I was trying to be thoughtful at the game. Lara and Tony chatted the whole game away, so it's not like I spoke to him or her! I wasn't hanging all over Tony, I kept my hands to myself. I went out of my way to leave them alone and not try to be a third wheel. Whatever.

But what really pisses me off is that I thought we were friends. Although I did have a crush on Tony, it's not like I'm all over him. My group of friends is Phuong, Hwa, Mai, Lisa, and Tony. I asked him to go to a concert once but it was very non-chalant and more like 'hey, I've got an extra ticket to a concert and I can't find anyone to go' and not at all like ' hey, I like you-- wanna fuck?' We didn't go to the concert and neither one of us ever brought it up again. We hung all the time and it wasn't wierd at all. So, yeah. I thought we were friends but I guess I was wrong.

At least everyone is with me on this. Except for one glaring exception. Screw them. I don't need this kind of high school jealousy drama. I didn't even do anything wrong

Here is one of my favourite songs by the Distillers, from the album "Sing Sing Death House".

"Sick Of It All"

Murder murder a ripe blood stain
Pulled the fucking trigger cause I'm sick of it all

Muder murder a ripe fucking hate
Pulled the fucking trigger cause I'm sick of it all

I went to school today with an Uzi
There's this kid,he teased me
So I shot him in the face
All the world's light won't ease my pain
It won't cease,I'm diseased
Will you hang me please?
I'm a nihilist
Raised on violence
What do I do?
I'm American youth
All my life I've lived in silence
I'm gonna snap, I'll get you back shit

I'm a girlI'm only thirteen
My body rots Cause I won't fucking eat
I'm a silent star on the b-roll
I'm a mirror fucking image of no control
Give me an award
I conquered food again
What else is better in life than to purge my pain?
If I cut,I won't look like that
If I cut,If I cut,I won't feel like this shit

We are kids
We think life is a scam
We come from a wasted land
We are kids we play punk rock and roll
If we didn't we got no soul

We are different fucking kids with the same heartbeat
We got one pulse running through the streets
They are our arteries

We are different fucking kids with the same heartbeat
We got one pulse running through the streets
I am a part of this

We are kids
We think life is a scam
We come from a wasted land
We are kids we play punk rock and roll
If we didn't we got no soul

(2002 Hellcat records)

PS. Tragic, while she realises it's slightly mental and boorish to refer to herself in the third person, wants to point out that she is *crush* free.

<3 Tragic Tuyen